If you've ever suggested couples counseling to your partner, you may have been met with resistance. While the idea of seeking professional help seems like a great step to you, your partner might not share the same sentiment. In this blog post, we'll explore the seven most common reasons people are hesitant to engage in couples counseling. We'll also offer some constructive ways to address these concerns, whether you're considering general couples counseling, couples sex therapy, or neurodiverse couples counseling.
1. Cost Concerns
The Issue: One of the most common barriers to couples counseling is the cost. Therapy can be expensive, especially if the clinician has solid advanced training in couples work. If you're already struggling financially, the idea of adding another expense can be daunting, particularly for couples counseling which is often not covered by insurance.
How to Respond: First, discuss with your partner (and remind yourself) that couples counseling is an investment, not just an expense, to save yourself from additional emotional and financial costs down the line. After all, you can attend a year’s worth of weekly couples counseling for a quarter of the cost of a straightforward divorce (and that can be the low end of a divorce)! If there are hard financial constraints, ask about sliding scale options or working with clinical interns. Pivotal Counseling works hard to provide both options as frequently as possible for clients who need support.
2. Viewing Therapy as Punishment
The Issue: Some people see therapy as a form of punishment or an ultimatum, making them resistant to the idea.
How to Respond: Make sure you help your partner see that this is not you being vindictive or trying to control them. Instead, reassure them that couples counseling is a space for growth and understanding. Frame it as a proactive step to improve your relationship, which can be especially beneficial in couples sex therapy where communication is key.
3. Reluctance to Share Personal Issues
The Issue: Many people are uncomfortable discussing personal and relationship issues with a stranger, making them hesitant to engage in therapy.
How to Respond: Acknowledge their discomfort and unease. Ask if they’d be willing to at least do a free consultation and talk about the concern with the therapist. Remind your partner that therapists are trained to provide a safe, non-judgmental space. This can be particularly important in neurodiverse couples counseling where unique challenges may be present or in couples sex therapy where the issues can be very sensitive.
4. Anxiety About the Process
The Issue: The unknown aspects of what therapy entails can make people anxious and hesitant. This can include fears of being attacked, the therapist taking sides, or worrying about a “repeat” of past negative experiences with counseling.
How to Respond: Let your partner know that all of these are common concerns. Let them know that you are committed to making sure that the therapist is neutral and that no one gets attacked. Suggest that the two of you bring up those concerns as well as past bad experiences in a free consultation and ask the therapist how they would navigate those issues.
5. Denial of Issues
The Issue: Sometimes people acknowledge the problems their partner brings up but believe they aren't "that bad" and can be worked out without professional help. Other times, they may sincerely feel great about the relationship and dismiss their partner's complaints because they themselves don’t have any.
How to Respond: Open, honest communication is key. If your partner doesn't think the issues are serious, try to understand their perspective while also sharing your own feelings and concerns. Let them know that you’re glad that the issues aren’t feeling too serious for them and ask them to help you address where you’re struggling in the relationship precisely so the issues don’t become bad for them.
6. Preconceived Ideas
The Issue: Some people end up with a lot of stereotypes or misconceptions about what therapy is like. This can cause them to push back and reject what they think couples counseling is rather than what it actually is.
How to Respond: Educate your partner about what to actually expect in couples counseling. You can even show them testimonials or articles that demystify the process, making the idea less intimidating. Again, this is a great opportunity to make use of a free consultation with a therapist. Invite your partner to ask about what they think is what couples counseling would actually be like.
7. Hopelessness and Resignation
The Issue: Sometimes, people feel that nothing can change in the relationship, leading to a sense of hopelessness. In other cases, they may already be emotionally checked out and are either unsure how to leave or are waiting for the "right time" to do so.
How to Respond: Addressing this issue can be challenging but also crucial. If your partner feels hopeless, couples counseling can be framed as a last-ditch effort to save the relationship. If they're already emotionally out, your options become more limited. If they are planning to leave, couples counseling about navigating divorce, learning about what went wrong so you both can be healthier in the future, and exploring how to be strong co-parents can be deeply valuable. If they aren’t willing or things are too conflicted, then individual therapy could be a starting point for both of you to explore your options.
Conclusion
Understanding your partner's reservations about couples counseling is the first step in addressing them. Whether you're looking into general couples counseling, couples sex therapy, or neurodiverse couples counseling, the goal is to improve your relationship and find a happier, healthier way to be together. Remember, the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open and to approach the subject with empathy and understanding.
If you or your partner is hesitant about couples counseling, couples sex therapy, or neurodiverse couples counseling, we’d be happy to talk with you. Feel free to get in touch by email or phone or you can schedule a free, 20-minute consultation. We're here to help you navigate the complexities of your relationship and find a path that works for both of you.
