Sex Therapy
Sexuality is a core part of being human. And because it is something we all experience, it has the potential to be an enormous source of connection and fulfillment.
Sometimes though, it isn't. Things don't work, partners struggle, insecurities plague us, problematic behaviors arise, or we find ourselves otherwise unhappy with our sexual selves. All of this can leave you feeling inadequate, anxious, sad, disconnected, alone, unwanted, unworthy, and - ultimately - hopeless.
If you, your partner, or someone you love is struggling with sexual issues,
reach out now.
We help our clients to develop a vision of their sexual health and then support them in implementing this vision through skill-building, education, and personal growth. Together, we can take a healthy, sex-positive approach to discovering the potential for healing, growth, and fulfillment in your sexual and emotional life.
What is sex therapy?
Let’s start with what sex therapy isn’t: sex therapy isn’t having sex with your therapist (in fact, that is very unethical and will cost the therapist their license). Sex therapy isn’t coming in and having sex with a partner in the therapist’s office. Lastly, sex therapy isn’t therapy to “fix” your sexuality so that it is “correct.”
Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy. What sets it apart are two things: the focus of the work and the therapist’s qualifications. It follows a specific model that prioritizes respect and empowerment of the client. It provides education, resources, skill-building, and intensive therapy, all tailored to the individual client’s needs.
Sex therapy is focused on helping individuals and relationships find fulfillment, joy, excitement, pleasure, connection, and a host of other elements of their sexuality that are important to them. And it is grounded in sexual health and well-being, not in trying to impose what “healthy” sex “should” look like.
Sexual Health versus Healthy Sex
Some people hear that there isn’t any such thing as “healthy sex” and worry we are saying that rape and sexual abuse is ok. Others worry we think that sexual behaviors can never become problematic. Absolutely not! Like any other aspect of your health there are certainly things that violate principles of health, in this case principles of sexual health. To learn about these principles, click on them below.
Sexual Health and Sex Therapy Areas of Focus
Below are some of the issues we work with. If you don't see your specific concern listed, that does not mean we don't work with it. This list is just an overview of some of the issues people come in with.
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Penises carry a lot of pressure. Erections and ejaculation during sex are used as symbols of masculinity, measures of attraction, and mile markers along the course of a sexual experience. So when your penis doesn’t behave the way you expect, it can leave you feeling confused, embarrassed, or even devastated. What you probably don’t realize is how common these issues can be, affecting 1 in 5 men (starting as early as their teens) up to 4 in 5 men (by their 70s). Or that there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about how penises work that can contribute to the problem.
You don’t have to continue to suffer. We can help you to identify and understand the underlying causes of the dysfunction, address the problems to improve sexual functioning, and claim a healthier relationship with your sexuality.
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The experience of painful sexual penetration and chronic pelvic pain can be deeply distressing and disruptive to individuals' lives, relationships, and sexuality. This condition, known as dyspareunia, affects people of all genders and ages and can result from physical and/or mental/emotional factors. However, pelvic pain/painful penetration is frequently dismissed by medical professionals, despite the numerous negative impacts.
Here at Pivotal, we hear you and know that your pain is real. Through an integrative approach, we will explore all aspects of how pain impacts your life and how your life impacts the pain. You deserve to be pain free. You deserve to experience pleasure. Our experienced clinicians can help you get there.
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As a queer and/or trans person you have likely experienced unique joys and challenges in your relationships and sex life. You may be facing challenges related to pleasure, identity expression and affirmation, or changes in your body and/or desires.
We strive to provide a safe and affirming environment to explore sexuality, gender identity, and relationships that align with your authentic self and desires. Whether you are seeking help for your relationship and sex life broadly, identity exploration, challenges related to body dysphoria, or extra support as you transition, our clinicians are equipped with the knowledge and tools to help you.
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You may feel curious, excited, or perhaps apprehensive when considering the exploration of kink and BDSM. You may be hoping to better understand your kinky desires and fantasies. At Pivotal, we work with you to explore the realms of power dynamics, sensation play, bondage, and consent. We ensure that we prioritize your comfort, safety, and empowerment, while also offering education and resources about kink/BDSM dynamics.
Whether you’re stepping into this world for the first time or seeking to deepen your understanding, we will provide a nonjudgmental space and help foster growth, self-discovery, and authentic sexual expression.
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Navigating the complexities of trauma can deeply impact one’s relationship with intimacy and sexuality. We recognize the influence of past experiences on your present relationships and sexual well-being. With sensitivity and compassion, we provide a space where you can explore your desires, fears, and boundaries at your own pace.
We understand that trauma is not the things that have happened to us–but how they impact us. Whether the traumatic events are religious, childhood, relational, socio-cultural, sexual, or accidental in nature, our trauma-informed therapists have the expertise to walk with you on the healing journey.
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Engaging in polyamory or other non-monogamous relationship structures can come with a range of challenges in your relationships and sex life. It can feel daunting to navigate desires, boundaries, agreements, sexual health concerns, or intimacy issues. Many people are unsure of where to even start, especially considering the lack of understanding, awareness, and resources available to those in non-monogamous relationships.
We can help you through these challenges by providing a supportive environment and the tools needed to explore these complex relationship dynamics. Our clinicians are non-shaming, poly aware and informed, and eager to help you discover a fulfilling, loving, relationship structure that aligns with you.
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Are you looking to enhance sexual pleasure and connection in your relationship? At Pivotal, we create a safe and open space to help guide conversations about sexual desires, boundaries, and needs. We work with you to unpack misconceptions about sexuality, while encouraging creativity, collaboration, and play in building a sexual connection that fits your unique relationship.
Whether you're seeking to revitalize your sexual relationship, improve communication, or simply add more fun to your intimate moments, we're here to support your journey.
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Most people don’t give a second thought to how their mind and body work together in sexuality–until it doesn’t go how they expect. Sometimes desire doesn’t show up when you hope it does. Sometimes desire shows up but the body doesn’t react, respond, or perform the way it used to or “should”. Sometimes everything seems to be going well but orgasms are elusive.
If this sounds like you, you aren’t alone! And it can get better. We can help you stop chasing desire and arousal to help get you out of your head and into your bed. From disappearing desire to orgasm obstacles, we can help you overcome your pleasure predicaments.
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We understand that feeling uncomfortable in your own skin or being ashamed of your body can create barriers to intimacy and hinder sexual desire.
Here at Pivotal, we work with you to explore the cultural and societal messages about bodies, dismantle negative self-perceptions, and cultivate a more accepting relationship with your body. Creating a safe and loving relationship to your body can help you experience a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual life. Together, we will explore strategies to overcome shame, build self-compassion, explore what it means to be embodied, and enhance your overall sexual satisfaction.
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Engaging in relationships and sex as a neurodivergent person can come with unique challenges and experiences. You might encounter difficulties with communication, sensory sensitivities, identifying your desires and needs, and navigating your own and others’ boundaries.
We offer a compassionate and individualized approach to helping neurodivergent folks better understand their sexuality, desires, boundaries, and overall relationship needs. We can offer you tools to build communication skills, ideas to navigate sensory sensitivities, skills to stay more present during sex and a space to address other intimacy or relationship concerns. Our goal is to empower you to engage in relationships and sex with confidence and authenticity.
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Humans have struggled to balance religious or spiritual beliefs with sexuality for ages. This struggle to reconcile faith with sexual desires, behaviors, or identity is deeply personal work. This work often involves intense feelings including fear, confusion, guilt, shame, and even self-hatred or disgust. These feelings can become so overwhelming that some experience thoughts of self-harm or suicide. You don't have to choose between your spirituality and your sexuality – we can help you find a path that embraces both.
Whether your goal is to align your sexual practices with your religious values, challenge lingering religious messages that don’t seem to fit you anymore, or create harmony between both aspects of your identity, we are here to help. We take a compassionate and non-judgmental approach to help you deeply examine your beliefs and your behaviors and work to alleviate shame.
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Intrusive sexual thoughts, distressing sexual fantasies, out-of-control sexting/chatting, compulsive masturbation, and chronic infidelity. These are just some of the ways that people experience problematic sexual behaviors, sometimes referred to as “sex addiction.” Left unchecked, the impact of these behaviors and the reactions to them can devastate lives and relationships. Don’t keep struggling and living in shame.
At Pivotal, we approach these issues from a sexual health, sex-positive, values-based framework. We help you to get to the root of the contributing factors, clearly identify the link between your thoughts/emotions and behaviors, and then develop and live a sexual health plan that will leave you feeling confident in yourself, your sexuality, your behaviors, and your relationship.
Meet our Sex Therapists
All of our clinicians are either certified sex therapists or are under the supervision of a sex therapy supervisor and are pursuing certification. That specialization means that you can be confident that you are working with a clinician who will ensure you get the compassionate, qualified help that you need.
Sex, Sexuality, And sex Therapy
Blog Articles
COMMON QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS ABOUT SEX THERAPY
When it comes to such a personal and sensitive topic as sexuality, most people have questions about coming to do sex therapy. Here are some common ones. If we don’t answer yours, reach out to us and ask. We’re happy to answer whatever questions you have to ensure you are as comfortable as possible before coming in.
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Sadly, many clinicians just don’t have the training or confidence to work with sexuality (more on that ). We’re different.
All of our clinicians complete advanced, post-graduate training in sexuality, sexual health, and sex therapy and are either AASECT-certified sex therapists or supervised directly by an AASECT-certified sex therapist. We apply a robust bio-psycho-emotional-relational approach to treatment that is always grounded in core sexual health principles to help you reach your goals and live a sexual life that is authentic to you and in line with your vision of sexual well-being. We can handle what you bring in.
For more on what truly makes a therapist qualified to call themselves a sex therapist, check out the section below our clinician's pictures.
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We work hard to walk a very specific but important line. Any kind of therapy is going to involve discomfort because growing is uncomfortable work! At the same time, we want to respect that most people have strong morals around sex, whether religiously based or not. We want to help you examine and understand how your morals and values impact your sexuality and support you as you determine what that looks like. But we are never here to tell you that your morals and values are wrong or that you should abandon them.
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The answer to both of those is a firm no. There won’t be any sexual contact between the clinician and you nor are couples allowed to engage in sexual activity in the office. Any sexual contact that is part of sex therapy will only be between the two of you and will be take-home work done in the privacy of your own home.
We’re sex therapists, but NOT ALL ‘SEX THERAPISTS’ are
You’ll find a lot of counselors, therapists, psychologists, social workers, or marriage and family therapists saying they work with sexual issues. Some might even use the title “sex therapist” just like we do. But that doesn’t mean they are. Sadly, “sex therapist” isn’t a protected term so any clinician can technically call themselves that. But that doesn’t mean they are one. So what makes a therapist qualified to call themselves a sex therapist?
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The “gold standard” of qualifying as a sex therapist is certification by a reputable organization as a Certified Sex Therapist (CST). In years past, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) has been alone at the forefront of credentialing qualified sex therapists. In recent years, other organizations have begun to also offer certifications that are comparably reputable and rigorous, including the International Board of Sexuality Professionals and the Sexual Health Alliance.
One other note, not all CSTs are Certified Sex Therapists. There are some smaller organizations who have chosen to co-opt the established acronym and use it for Christian Sex Therapist. This is unfortunate in that it creates confusion about which credential a clinician has when you see those letters after their name.
While some certified sex therapists may have more extensive knowledge of certain religious systems, all of them are capable of working with religious clients of any background from a position of respect, openness, and client-focused work.
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Qualified sex therapists understand developmental sexuality, recognizing how sexuality grows and evolves over time. They are knowledgeable about socio-cultural influences on sexual values and behaviors, desire and arousal cycles, interpersonal relationship dynamics, and the impact of substances on sexuality. They are trained in the diversity of sexual lifestyles and behaviors, ensuring a non-judgmental space for clients to explore their sexuality that is attentive to the unique challenges faced by gender and sexual minorities.
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If the last part is about what they have to know, this is about what they do. Qualified sex therapists undergo extensive training in sex therapy techniques and approaches. They must learn and demonstrate competency in different models of sex-related psychotherapy, assessment, and diagnosis of psychosexual disorders per the latest guidelines. Further, their training includes specialized couples therapy approaches and skills such as managing interactions, understanding power dynamics, and fostering authentic communication, using approaches like Imago Relational Therapy, the Gottman Method, and Emotional Focused Therapy.
Additionally, they are knowledgeable about medical interventions for psychosexual disorders, ensuring a comprehensive approach and the ability to refer out to and collaboratively treat with appropriate medical professionals such as primary care doctors, gynecologists, urologists, endocrinologists, and pelvic floor physical therapists.
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The last marker for spotting qualified sex therapists is that they have received or are currently under specialized supervision by a qualified sex therapist supervisor. That supervisor is responsible for overseeing their treatment of their clients ensuring that they are applying the education and therapeutic training appropriately and developing the expertise that will qualify them for certification. That supervisor also oversees the treatment of clients to ensure that the clinician follows appropriate ethical guidelines. This supervision protects the clients from receiving sub-standard treatment or being treated unethically by the therapist.
Our practice has been operating since 2012 and we have helped hundreds of people reclaim their sexual selves and relationships. Schedule a consultation with us and find out how we can help you, too.
