This blog article is part of a series of blog articles about the six Sexual Health Principles developed by Doug Braun-Harvey. You can learn more about the principles, Doug, and his work at his website.
***
Sexual health requires that people be honest with themselves and honest with their partners. This includes being honest about what sexual acts everyone in the encounter enjoys, wants or doesn’t want, their standards for sex, and how they experience sexuality.
What honesty is…
Human beings are complex, often experiencing conflicting emotions about our own and others' sexuality. Maybe shame is really loud and creates a barrier to being honest with ourselves or others about sex. Maybe embarrassment shows up when we talk about sex because it’s “taboo”. Or perhaps we just don’t know how to talk about sex because we were never taught growing up. These barriers are completely understandable given the societal context in which we live and the confusing, oftentimes contradictory information we receive regarding sexuality. Getting honest with ourselves and our partner(s) can act as a powerful antidote to these uncomfortable emotions. Honesty helps open up conversations, normalize sexual differences, and give permission to be our authentic sexual selves.
…and what honesty isn’t…
Honesty is not a “tell-all” of our entire sexual history or fantasies in detail. We are all afforded our privacy and can choose to not reveal every single thing about ourselves. However, there are certain things that require honesty in a sexual relationship, such as STI/HIV status or what each person wants out of the sexual experience. Honesty is a process of self-awareness and communication, which requires us to explore and get curious about our sexual pleasure and values. We can ask ourselves (and our partner) questions such as: Is this pleasurable? Am I doing what I honestly want to be doing in this sexual encounter? Are we enjoying this? How do we want to engage in sexual touch that feels genuine to our desires?
…and why it’s crucial!
Honesty is the foundation of trust. Think of honesty as the battery that powers trust. When honesty isn't present, there’s no way to lean into trust. Trust allows us to be vulnerable with our partners. And it is that combination of trust and vulnerability that is crucial for us and our partners to be able to let go during a sexual experience and fully be present with each other. All of that is powered by honesty. Further, with honesty comes connection, openness, and informed consent. These are all components that are so important to our sexual health.
Feel free to read the rest of the articles in this blog series:
Sexual Health Principle 1: Consent
Sexual Health Principle 2: Non-Exploitation
Sexual Health Principle 3: Honesty (this article)
Sexual Health Principle 4: Shared Values
Sexual Health Principle 5: Protected from STI, HIV, and Unwanted Pregnancy
