If you ask someone what a perfect relationship looks like, you probably wouldn't be surprised to hear phrases like "soul mates," "happily ever after," "we agree on everything," and "we complete each other."
Do any of those sound familiar? From fairy tales to multi-million dollar motion pictures, we've been fed the idea of a perfect relationship for thousands of years. Stories like Sleeping Beauty or Romeo and Juliet are exciting and fun. Who doesn't like the idea that if they could just find the right person, then they'd have the perfect relationship as the perfect couple? There is a reason we find those stories in the fiction section of the library: they're all completely unrealistic.
Real relationships have problems and struggles. That doesn't mean they can't be perfectly healthy. Here are seven things that help make the "perfect" healthy relationship.
1. "Perfect" couples fight right
The perfect couple fights. Why? Because every couple fights. What makes the perfect relationship different here is that they fight the right way. They fight about the issue, not the other person. There's no name-calling, no put-downs, no contempt. They focus on solving the problem.
2. "Perfect" couples care more about making things right than being right
No one likes being wrong. And the perfect couple probably doesn't like it either. They're just also willing to own where they each screwed up. They are eager to acknowledge their flaws and repair the damage from their mistakes.
3. "Perfect" couples know the difference between agreeing and understanding
Too many people think that if they genuinely understand their partner, they have to agree with them. Just because you tell your partner, "That makes a lot of sense," that doesn't mean you now have to tell them that they're right. Perfect couples get that it's crucial to understand your partner's emotions, thoughts, and hopes and that none of that means you have to give up your own.
4. "Perfect" couples take care of themselves first
Yes, that sounds backward, but it isn't. The perfect couple gets that life is tough for everyone, and they recognize that sometimes, the other person can't be there. And they don't see that as a threat to the relationship. They get the idea that "you can't pour from an empty cup" and realize that their partner can't offer what they need if they don't have it themselves.
5. "Perfect" couples prioritize the relationship
No, this doesn't contradict the previous item. The perfect relationship gets prioritized above other interests. That doesn't mean that nothing else is important. It does mean that when the relationship needs attention, it gets it. Other items get set aside, and it is "all hands on deck" to take care of each other.
6. "Perfect" couples remember that the other person chose them
Unchecked jealousy is a great way to kill a relationship. It's also easy to find ourselves feeling jealous. Perfect couples may have that pop up from time to time, but they also remind themselves and each other that they aren't going anywhere. They trust the commitment and do the work to keep the relationship one that both of them will want to keep choosing.
7. "Perfect" couples remember that relationships aren't perfect
Perfect couples know that the perfect relationship is an imperfect one. They are patient with each other, are quick to forgive, and anxious to do what they can to improve the relationship. Like a well-loved home that can always use some improvement, perfect couples embrace the imperfection and know that their relationship, like every relationship, will always take work.
If you want to know how we can help you build your perfect relationships, check out our page on Couples Counseling.
Pivotal Cousneling, LLC is the leading provider of relationship and sexuality counseling to people on the northern front range and throughout Colorado and Wyoming. We help people from their pre-teen years to their post-retirement years to have happier and healthier relationships with themselves, their sexuality, and their loved ones.
