Sexual Health Principe 1: Consent

This blog article is part of a series of blog articles about the six Sexual Health Principles developed by Doug Braun-Harvey. You can learn more about the principles, Doug, and his work at his website.

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Consent, at its most basic definition, means: “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something”. That means that the use of force such as abuse, assault, and rape as well as sexual activity with those that cannot consent can never fall within sexual health. But let’s take a deeper dive into what consent really looks like in practice and discuss why consent is necessary for sexual health.

Consent at a Deeper Level

Planned Parenthood describes the nuances of consent using the acronym F.R.I.E.S.

  • Freely Given: Consent must be given free from coercion, manipulation, or pressure. ‘Yes’ is not consensual if there is not an option to say ‘no’.

  • Reversible: Consent requires space for the ‘yes’ to be withdrawn or for the agreement to be changed at any point during the experience.

  • Informed: Informed consent means that each person knows and agrees to all of the information taking place within the sexual experience. 

  • Enthusiastic: Enthusiastic consent is saying ‘yes’ to what you really want to do, rather than saying ‘yes’ only because you think you should or feel expected to.

  • Specific: Consenting to one part of a sexual experience does not mean you’re obligated to consent to everything. Saying ‘yes’ to going to the bedroom doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to sex.

Why is Consent Key?

Consent builds trust. By communicating boundaries with a sexual partner, we respect ourselves and our bodies. By listening to a sexual partner’s boundaries, we respect them and their bodies. Consent is the foundation for sexual safety and connection. 

Consent empowers autonomy. When we have the ability to choose our sexual experience, we are more able to step into our desires and explore our sexual relationships with more authenticity and pleasure.

Sexual Health Principle 2: Non-Exploitation

This blog article is part of a series of blog articles about the six Sexual Health Principles developed by Doug Braun-Harvey. You can learn more about the principles, Doug, and his work at his website.

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Let’s start with what ‘exploitation’ means and work backward from there. Exploitation is treating someone unfairly in order to gain benefit. Usually, this involves leveraging power or privilege in order to get someone to do what will benefit us. An example of exploitation might be an employer hinting that someone’s job might be on the line when asking if anyone will “volunteer” extra time during off-hours for a work project. The employer is leveraging their power as the boss to exploit the employees time and labor.

What does exploitation have to do with sexual health?

Sexual exploitation is when someone leverages power, control, status, or authority to get sexual gratification. Exploiting someone for sex takes away that individual's ability to consent freely and without fear of harm, danger, or retaliation. Think of a boss or a police officer abusing their power to make someone agree to have sex so they don’t lose their job or get arrested. In romantic relationships, exploitation may look like one (or both) partners engaging in some form of infidelity while remaining in the primary relationship, which exploits the partner’s trust in the relationship.

These dynamics, no matter the context in which they occur, can be exceptionally harmful and erode an individual’s sense of comfort, confidence, and safety. Sexual health can never include exploitation. 

Ensuring non-exploitation

How does one ensure that sexual behaviors align with non-exploitation? The first step is to know and communicate your boundaries to everyone involved in a sexual encounter. The partner(s) hearing those boundaries must respect them and not attempt to ‘convince’ or ‘pressure’ you into a sexual act they are not comfortable with. Persuading someone to have sex or do something sexual in exchange for something is never okay. 

Another way to ensure non-exploitation is to listen to yourself, your body, and your limits in the moment and be able to express those feelings to either stop, change, or communicate about what is happening. An exploitive response to this might be your partner continuing the sexual act anyway despite the voiced discomfort. A non-exploitative sexual encounter would be paused or stopped if either partner is feeling ‘icky’ about it and space would be given to explore the concerns. 

 
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